what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
