even my farts smell like vagina
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
