Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
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Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
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I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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