So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
