I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
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I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
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Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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