his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
