he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
