i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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