just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
