Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
