He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
