hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
