just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
