Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
