You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
