Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
