You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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