then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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