How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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