walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
