Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
