i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
