ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
