The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
