You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize