he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
