Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
