i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
