I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
