he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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