Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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