Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
