Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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