So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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