so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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