whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
