I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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