I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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