If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Did we literally take a cab across the street
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
