I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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