It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
