Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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