I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
