And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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