I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
