It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
