I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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