If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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