So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
