I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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