I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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