Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
