True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
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