I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
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Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
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I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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