yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
