I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
