Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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