So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
