i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
