Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize