I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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