We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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