Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
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Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
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The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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