and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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