My sheets look like a crime scene.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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