What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
