yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
