i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death