apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs