wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?