Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
