Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
if only i could text you this smell
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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