My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
