She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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