Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
