I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
