bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize