Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
