bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
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I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
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And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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