he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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