Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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