I want to walk on stilts...naked
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
